TFCTLS. IJ&IBYSTM. Part II
...continued from previous
Reality Communion
All kidding aside, you have to keep a sharp and clear mind the whole time. I'll give you some examples of clear and sharp thinking during communion.
I arrived early before service to get my lane assignment from "Mr. Fixer". Every congregation has a Mr. Fixer. Without Mr. Fixer, the doors to the church building would be locked, the lights would be off, the heater/AC wouldn't be turned on, and the communion trays wouldn't be filled. More people would notice if Mr. Fixer was sick than if the preacher was sick.
So anyway, I start looking for Mr. Fixer and he tells me that I have the far left lane, against the brick. "Sweet," I think to myself. This is the prime position. You don't have anyone right next to your hindquarters, there's no chance of bumping another server (decreasing the chance of a drop), and if there is a mistake, there is less opportunity that the entire congregation will see your face.
So I head up to the front pew to join my crew only to find that some dude is sitting in the far left spot on the pew. I knew right then that I was in for trouble. The guy ends up taking the far left spot on around the table during the prayer, and then he takes his bread tray and RUNS over to the far left lane.
The dude snaked the choice lane from me!
Hey, I kept it cool. I finished the service in a different lane. But I almost wanted to tell the dude, "HEY! Mr. Fixer gave me this lane buddy! MR. FIXER! You dare to defy the wishes of Mr. Fixer? How can you sleep at night?"
Another time, I got to the end of my section, and we had run out of juice cups. This may the second most horrifying thing that could happen, with the first most horrifying being that thing that we talked about before. *knock knock* I was able to get the few juice cup that were on my partner's tray and mine get the final rows some juice. It was a thing of beauty.
Half Empty Vs. Half Full
But all of that is prologue. Here's the most important thing that a server needs to watch for: half rows. It seems as though members of the Lord's body need their space and don't like to occupy the middles of church pews. These rows are called half rows and must be checked and remembered.
When you start at the end of a half row and hand it off, you can't just run off to the catch the trays coming from your partner. No, you have to keep an eye to see if they pass it back to you, effectively vomiting the tray back into the aisle.
This problem only happens during the bread and fruit portions. During the collection period, they'll be flinging that plate like a Frisbee to get it away from them. I mean they will shout, seriously shout, at the members on the other end to get up and come take the tray. It's like the collection plate is on fire or made of viper fangs or something.
The problem is compounded if your partner errs with one of two extremes. First, he may jump the gun and force the issue by handing a tray off on the other end. This means that a tray collision is in the works and both trays will be "vomited". The best thing to do is wait and see if the people in your row are going to cross the canyon of empty pew on their own rather than assume the worst. In essence, don't rush.
Or worse, he may ignore his end entirely by assuming that the people on your end will cross the canyon. This means that the people on his end will not have a communion and they will not get any "communion stickers" that can be saved up and redeemed at any area church for an extra pass through the next potluck line. That is unless you get them juice and cracker before the sermon starts. In order to save these poor people the embarassment of missing out on their stickers, you are allowed to walk around during a prayer. This is the only reason that allows you to walk during a prayer that is within earshot.
And you must hurry. Because if they don't get the whole thing down before the end of the "transition song" and the announcement of the invitation song begins, then those stickers will be gone.
It is serious business this communion. But even if someone's potluck points are at stake, you must remain vigilant to the rules of the server. Because under no circumstances, even if someone is about to die and you have the only known antidote in your pocket, if you are holding a communion tray, for goodness sakes, DON'T DROP THE TRAY!
Reality Communion
All kidding aside, you have to keep a sharp and clear mind the whole time. I'll give you some examples of clear and sharp thinking during communion.
I arrived early before service to get my lane assignment from "Mr. Fixer". Every congregation has a Mr. Fixer. Without Mr. Fixer, the doors to the church building would be locked, the lights would be off, the heater/AC wouldn't be turned on, and the communion trays wouldn't be filled. More people would notice if Mr. Fixer was sick than if the preacher was sick.
So anyway, I start looking for Mr. Fixer and he tells me that I have the far left lane, against the brick. "Sweet," I think to myself. This is the prime position. You don't have anyone right next to your hindquarters, there's no chance of bumping another server (decreasing the chance of a drop), and if there is a mistake, there is less opportunity that the entire congregation will see your face.
So I head up to the front pew to join my crew only to find that some dude is sitting in the far left spot on the pew. I knew right then that I was in for trouble. The guy ends up taking the far left spot on around the table during the prayer, and then he takes his bread tray and RUNS over to the far left lane.
The dude snaked the choice lane from me!
Hey, I kept it cool. I finished the service in a different lane. But I almost wanted to tell the dude, "HEY! Mr. Fixer gave me this lane buddy! MR. FIXER! You dare to defy the wishes of Mr. Fixer? How can you sleep at night?"
Another time, I got to the end of my section, and we had run out of juice cups. This may the second most horrifying thing that could happen, with the first most horrifying being that thing that we talked about before. *knock knock* I was able to get the few juice cup that were on my partner's tray and mine get the final rows some juice. It was a thing of beauty.
Half Empty Vs. Half Full
But all of that is prologue. Here's the most important thing that a server needs to watch for: half rows. It seems as though members of the Lord's body need their space and don't like to occupy the middles of church pews. These rows are called half rows and must be checked and remembered.
When you start at the end of a half row and hand it off, you can't just run off to the catch the trays coming from your partner. No, you have to keep an eye to see if they pass it back to you, effectively vomiting the tray back into the aisle.
This problem only happens during the bread and fruit portions. During the collection period, they'll be flinging that plate like a Frisbee to get it away from them. I mean they will shout, seriously shout, at the members on the other end to get up and come take the tray. It's like the collection plate is on fire or made of viper fangs or something.
The problem is compounded if your partner errs with one of two extremes. First, he may jump the gun and force the issue by handing a tray off on the other end. This means that a tray collision is in the works and both trays will be "vomited". The best thing to do is wait and see if the people in your row are going to cross the canyon of empty pew on their own rather than assume the worst. In essence, don't rush.
Or worse, he may ignore his end entirely by assuming that the people on your end will cross the canyon. This means that the people on his end will not have a communion and they will not get any "communion stickers" that can be saved up and redeemed at any area church for an extra pass through the next potluck line. That is unless you get them juice and cracker before the sermon starts. In order to save these poor people the embarassment of missing out on their stickers, you are allowed to walk around during a prayer. This is the only reason that allows you to walk during a prayer that is within earshot.
And you must hurry. Because if they don't get the whole thing down before the end of the "transition song" and the announcement of the invitation song begins, then those stickers will be gone.
It is serious business this communion. But even if someone's potluck points are at stake, you must remain vigilant to the rules of the server. Because under no circumstances, even if someone is about to die and you have the only known antidote in your pocket, if you are holding a communion tray, for goodness sakes, DON'T DROP THE TRAY!
The Next Post Promises To Be Better,
James
James
posted by James at 4:59 PM
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