The Stink Of Desperation
(*Note: It's depressing, but trust me, I'm fine.)
Dear Avid Reader,
I was watching Elizabethtown the other day (good movie, check it out). And during the two-hours traffic, one of the major threads is making the distinction between a fiasco and a failure. Failure is simply the absence of success, but a fiasco, the movie contends, is failure on a much more grand, more epic scale.
If you want a study of a fiasco, please see the movie. But for a description of a failure, sit back relax, and allow me to take you through the phases of a failure in the context of looking for a new job.
Phase I: Blind Optimism
In this phase you are sure of yourself. Confident. You are secure in the fact that you have studied at whatever school that you studied and are absolutely sure you will be able to find a job in a matter of days or weeks. After all you have a Masters degree. You aren't some shmoe with a measly Bachelors, no no, YOU have a Masters. You are twelve feet tall and bullet-proof.
Phase II: Slight Realization
Perhaps you were a bit too cocky. This is the "real world" after all, not a movie and you understand that it might take a little while to find work. But no more that a month. I mean, let's be honest, you have not only a degree, but three years of professional experience. You aren't some shmoe right out of college, you've been in the trenches, slogging it out through real problems. In the "real world".
"It's only a matter of time," you say to yourself. I mean you're going into a interview tomorrow. That's all we needed here, a little break in the action. Soon the offers will be pouring in. You are a nine foot tall Timex watch.
Phase III: Doubt
Maybe there is something going wrong here. It's been a month and a half and all you have was that one interview that you blew up because you were WAY too nervous. It was only after that terrible interview that you realized you were worried the whole time.
You begin to read articles online about "Grad Underemployment" and "College Unemployment". The stories cheer you up in a sad way. You wonder, "How close am I to them?"
Maybe your resume is wrong. Maybe you need to call back that headhunter/employee placement service, even though they want a 1/3 of your first year's income. Maybe you should pay one of these websites the 150 bucks to become a platinum member. Maybe you are just a shmoe. And maybe you should go get a lousy job for the interim, you know, just for now to pay the bills. You are six feet tall and stain resistant.
Phase IV: Full Blown Fear With A Tiny Anger Twist
There is something fundamentally wrong with you or the system of employment in America. It's been several months and you've had a few more interviews but you haven't heard anything in weeks. You are working your lousy job and are looking for signs that the situation is temporary but you can find nothing. This feels permanent. Like a guillotine.
After talking with others, you are sure that your failure is because you have "The Stink of Desperation" on you. You realize that it is a metaphor for mannerisms that everyone naturally has when that are very worried/desperate, but now you wonder. Could you actually smell with the odor of despair? You decide that washing your hands a few extra times a day and brushing your teeth a little more couldn't hurt. And you assure yourself that you aren't going crazy, you are just concerned with proper hygiene. You say that over and over as you spray the deodorant on for the fourth time today.
You wonder why your degree hasn't kicked in. You begin to consider education as simply a way to make money for the university workers with no benefit to the individual directly or society indirectly. You aren't sure, but you feel like a statistic in an online article. You are three feet tall and will visibly scratch if mishandled.
Phase V: Fury And Hyper-Fatalism
The entire universe is a machine that mass produces anguish. You have received letters from your other interviews saying that you haven't gotten the job. You didn't realize it until you got those letters, but the only thing that kept you going with a modicrum of positivity was the hope that you would get those jobs. Now you have nothing.
You are looking online for jobs the first thing in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed. Careerbuilder, Monster, Hotjobs, you have accounts at them all. What's more, you can carry on a very detailed conversation and still apply for jobs. It has become second nature. Like breathing.
You start to consider a manager's position at your lousy job. Perhaps you are simply fated to work here. Maybe you cannot escape your destiny. Maybe you can't get a job, because they can smell you, through the e-mails. You're showering four times a day and your hands are red from the washing, but maybe the stink is deeper that that. It is a stink of your soul and only those fated to have jobs can smell the stink on those fated to have lousy jobs.
At this point you are sure higher education is a racket. It's only benefit to the world is the construction of sturdy buildings. You are less that a foot tall and bruise easily.
Phase VI: Spiraling, End-Over-End Depression
The universe doesn't just mass produce anguish, no, it only mass produces your anguish. You still look online for jobs, but often can be heard muttering, "What's the point?" You are inconsolable. You begin to search your life, to pinpoint where it all went wrong. You decide that your tombstone will read simply "Failure". No name, no date. Or maybe you will have an unmarked grave. Yeah, that way, no one will be able to consider your failure of a life. You are one inch tall, the size of a bullet.
Phase VII And Beyond: ?
I have no idea how long it will take to find a job. But it feels like forever. The worst part is not knowing how long it will take. The seeming endlessness of it. There could be ten phases, a thousand, I don't know and that is what is killing me. But I plug away, I send my resume, and I grit my teeth when ever anyone says, "It will all work out."
But things are looking up. Yesterday, the wife and I went to a Chinese buffet and I got some good news. When I got my fortune cookie (and I LOVE fortune cookies) it said, "The world will soon be ready for your talents."
And as Carl Spackler once said, "So I got that going for me, which is nice."
Dear Avid Reader,
I was watching Elizabethtown the other day (good movie, check it out). And during the two-hours traffic, one of the major threads is making the distinction between a fiasco and a failure. Failure is simply the absence of success, but a fiasco, the movie contends, is failure on a much more grand, more epic scale.
If you want a study of a fiasco, please see the movie. But for a description of a failure, sit back relax, and allow me to take you through the phases of a failure in the context of looking for a new job.
Phase I: Blind Optimism
In this phase you are sure of yourself. Confident. You are secure in the fact that you have studied at whatever school that you studied and are absolutely sure you will be able to find a job in a matter of days or weeks. After all you have a Masters degree. You aren't some shmoe with a measly Bachelors, no no, YOU have a Masters. You are twelve feet tall and bullet-proof.
Phase II: Slight Realization
Perhaps you were a bit too cocky. This is the "real world" after all, not a movie and you understand that it might take a little while to find work. But no more that a month. I mean, let's be honest, you have not only a degree, but three years of professional experience. You aren't some shmoe right out of college, you've been in the trenches, slogging it out through real problems. In the "real world".
"It's only a matter of time," you say to yourself. I mean you're going into a interview tomorrow. That's all we needed here, a little break in the action. Soon the offers will be pouring in. You are a nine foot tall Timex watch.
Phase III: Doubt
Maybe there is something going wrong here. It's been a month and a half and all you have was that one interview that you blew up because you were WAY too nervous. It was only after that terrible interview that you realized you were worried the whole time.
You begin to read articles online about "Grad Underemployment" and "College Unemployment". The stories cheer you up in a sad way. You wonder, "How close am I to them?"
Maybe your resume is wrong. Maybe you need to call back that headhunter/employee placement service, even though they want a 1/3 of your first year's income. Maybe you should pay one of these websites the 150 bucks to become a platinum member. Maybe you are just a shmoe. And maybe you should go get a lousy job for the interim, you know, just for now to pay the bills. You are six feet tall and stain resistant.
Phase IV: Full Blown Fear With A Tiny Anger Twist
There is something fundamentally wrong with you or the system of employment in America. It's been several months and you've had a few more interviews but you haven't heard anything in weeks. You are working your lousy job and are looking for signs that the situation is temporary but you can find nothing. This feels permanent. Like a guillotine.
After talking with others, you are sure that your failure is because you have "The Stink of Desperation" on you. You realize that it is a metaphor for mannerisms that everyone naturally has when that are very worried/desperate, but now you wonder. Could you actually smell with the odor of despair? You decide that washing your hands a few extra times a day and brushing your teeth a little more couldn't hurt. And you assure yourself that you aren't going crazy, you are just concerned with proper hygiene. You say that over and over as you spray the deodorant on for the fourth time today.
You wonder why your degree hasn't kicked in. You begin to consider education as simply a way to make money for the university workers with no benefit to the individual directly or society indirectly. You aren't sure, but you feel like a statistic in an online article. You are three feet tall and will visibly scratch if mishandled.
Phase V: Fury And Hyper-Fatalism
The entire universe is a machine that mass produces anguish. You have received letters from your other interviews saying that you haven't gotten the job. You didn't realize it until you got those letters, but the only thing that kept you going with a modicrum of positivity was the hope that you would get those jobs. Now you have nothing.
You are looking online for jobs the first thing in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed. Careerbuilder, Monster, Hotjobs, you have accounts at them all. What's more, you can carry on a very detailed conversation and still apply for jobs. It has become second nature. Like breathing.
You start to consider a manager's position at your lousy job. Perhaps you are simply fated to work here. Maybe you cannot escape your destiny. Maybe you can't get a job, because they can smell you, through the e-mails. You're showering four times a day and your hands are red from the washing, but maybe the stink is deeper that that. It is a stink of your soul and only those fated to have jobs can smell the stink on those fated to have lousy jobs.
At this point you are sure higher education is a racket. It's only benefit to the world is the construction of sturdy buildings. You are less that a foot tall and bruise easily.
Phase VI: Spiraling, End-Over-End Depression
The universe doesn't just mass produce anguish, no, it only mass produces your anguish. You still look online for jobs, but often can be heard muttering, "What's the point?" You are inconsolable. You begin to search your life, to pinpoint where it all went wrong. You decide that your tombstone will read simply "Failure". No name, no date. Or maybe you will have an unmarked grave. Yeah, that way, no one will be able to consider your failure of a life. You are one inch tall, the size of a bullet.
Phase VII And Beyond: ?
I have no idea how long it will take to find a job. But it feels like forever. The worst part is not knowing how long it will take. The seeming endlessness of it. There could be ten phases, a thousand, I don't know and that is what is killing me. But I plug away, I send my resume, and I grit my teeth when ever anyone says, "It will all work out."
But things are looking up. Yesterday, the wife and I went to a Chinese buffet and I got some good news. When I got my fortune cookie (and I LOVE fortune cookies) it said, "The world will soon be ready for your talents."
And as Carl Spackler once said, "So I got that going for me, which is nice."
The Next Post Promises To Be Better,
James
James
posted by James at 11:28 AM
10 Comments:
I'm glad you added the note in the beginning about being fine. You have a lot to offer and don't you forget it!
First, I'm glad you're posting again. I've missed what you have to say. Second, I have to be to my retail job in 25 mintues, so I don't have a lot of time. I should have left five minutes ago but the second I saw the topic of your post I stayed to read. Third, I feel you. If anyone understands it's me.
It is true. Great art comes from great pain.
You, my friend, are one true hero. To be able to write like that is a gift.
You are the Ghandi of blogsville.
"You can not fail in any laudable object, unless you allow your mind to be improperly directed."
Abe Lincoln July 10, 1848 Letter to William H. Herndon
"I know not how to aid you, save in the assurance of one of mature age, and much severe experience, that you can not fail, if you resolutely determine, that you will not."
Abe Lincoln July 22, 1860 Letter to George Latham
I love you man
DJWB
Bocks!! I'm so glad you're back on line and blogging. If I could buy books that you (should) write, my bookcase would be full of them.
Your comments and insights into the drugery of life is something that I think more than just the blogging world needs to come into contact with.
Seriously, think about writing a book and getting it published.
And, as one who was relatively unemployeed since graduation (now I have an excuse, since I'm a stay-at-home mom)... Finding a job sucks.
But your job is not the sum total of your self-worth. I mean, hey, you got a sexy red-headed chick to marry you. Life could be worse. :)
-Daisha
Bocks, I don't know. Work sucks. Wanna be a hobo? I know a nice boxcar we could live in.
Rasther than write a book, just tell everyone to come and rad the blog.
It's easier that way.
Ok, so I miss spoke last night. I had not read this blog, I was thinking of another one. So here goes my friend and cousin...
First, I definitely understand the nervousness. It is almost as if we are finally on the verge of defining ourselves. We have just been irresponsible kids for this long, but a job....that will define us and give us self worth!
You and I know that it really isn't that way, but the feeling is valid none the less. So what do I have to say, nothing that I haven't been saying to myself alot recently. It kinda reminds me of something. Do you remember our motto for our senior year. The one that Mrs. Campbell adopted for us before the year began? I don't remember it verbatim, but it went something like this:
I am a child of a KING.
You are my friend and so am I. That is your worth and the work that you do is bound in that as well. I minister to a lot of guys that have lost jobs and can't find them. Over the last two or three years I have seen how incredibly hard it is for some to find work while for others it seems like falling off of a log. So what I have noticed is that you really just need to seek the "work" that you are supposed to do. Don't look for a job, just start doing the work that you are designed and created to do and He will provide for all of your needs out of His glorious riches. Our worth is often wrapped up in the work that we do, but not in the job that we hold. There is a big difference and don't make the mistake that many do by getting that confused.
So, I don't mean to sound preachy, but this is a subject dear to my heart for a person that I also care about. Hang in there!
p.s. I just watched Elizabeth Town last night, great flick. Good blog!
hey.. you remember an old friend scott... well, for some cosmic freak of nature he is back in searcy and you are not! maybe leaving the black hole is the problem!!!
i remember an old friend "Box" once told me that God is funny... remember that my friend, come to homecomming and we we go to Los!!!
miss you alot!
Cheers
Scott
You don't know me but I found your blog by reading Trey's. I am glad you are writing again. You are a good writer and that's why I have been checking back. If you are desperate, consider enrolling in a class or 2 at UTA and then go through their recruiting center for more opportunities. Linda C. (Trey will know me as Suzie's mom.)
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