On Polite Interrogation
Dear Avid Reader,
Traditions and conventions have their place. I for one would have things stay as they are rather than paw at the tapestry of society.
But recently I had to go to a meal. You know the situation, your company, school, church, has a function. You don't want to go. You hate these things. You're in a room of strangers. All of them wanting to grill you about the details of what you do during the week. And they ways of making you talk.
But you know you're going. And don't bother asking why you're going, cause man, that's a losing battle. Trust me. Just know that you're right, there isn't a logical reason, and quit while you're ahead.
So you're going to suck it up, tie the tie, trim the beard, and head out for your inquisition. When you arrive, it is just as you have envisioned. Awkward. The questions, as you expected, are all variations on the same questions you heard the last time you were at one of these things.
Or maybe, this is the same function and you are stuck in a time vortex. Better act like you belong before the Time Wraiths find out what's happened and send the Langoliers after you. Just smile and nod. You can try and find a rip in the space/time continuum when you get home.
Wait, here comes someone. Play it cool and act natural. ACT NATURAL!
Here Come The Questions...Just Plead The 5th
Here's the thing, I realized that these questions are all about external qualities. Most of them are concerned with how you are connected with the network that the group has established. Sort of like, are you a "major player" or are you on "the fringe". So these questions aren't really about me, they are about everything around me and how I am connected to it. You know, what power do I sway with the group.
I recently participated in one of these meals and luckily I escaped. But during the meal, I began to wonder, why ask these same questions? Why not ask questions that are intended to find out the "real" me. What would these questions look like?
They're Gonna Hit You On Cross
The questions that I came up with initially were questions that concerned pop culture. I thought that maybe if I found out what you liked, then I would find out what you are like*. These questions are meaningless because no one else would have the same tastes as I do. So asking who would win in a fight, the Millennium Falcon or the Enterprise-D (Picard), may end in confused looks rather than a deep discussion on theoretical physics, crew make-up, and how Betazed telepathy would effect a Jedi's the use of The Force.
And may I guarantee that this question WILL be discussed in the comments section.
I thought of political questions, but those are too touchy. No one wants to start a flamewar during a nice dinner out. Talking sports is about as meaningful as talking about the weather. No real meat there. So where do we go from here?
So I realized that maybe I was asking too much. We all have decided to guard our inner thoughts from everyone else until we feel like that area of our brain is safe from ridicule. Until people have shared experiences, we can't allow our real feelings to run around. So we dip our toes into each other to test the waters. If it's warm/cool enough, we put a foot in. Then a leg. Pretty soon were splish-splashing around.
But I still hate those dinners.
Do I have to go?
Yes.
Fine, here's your stinking answers.
...McCarthy.
But I think I'll print the Falcon vs. Enterprise question on the back. You know, just in case.
Traditions and conventions have their place. I for one would have things stay as they are rather than paw at the tapestry of society.
But recently I had to go to a meal. You know the situation, your company, school, church, has a function. You don't want to go. You hate these things. You're in a room of strangers. All of them wanting to grill you about the details of what you do during the week. And they ways of making you talk.
But you know you're going. And don't bother asking why you're going, cause man, that's a losing battle. Trust me. Just know that you're right, there isn't a logical reason, and quit while you're ahead.
So you're going to suck it up, tie the tie, trim the beard, and head out for your inquisition. When you arrive, it is just as you have envisioned. Awkward. The questions, as you expected, are all variations on the same questions you heard the last time you were at one of these things.
Or maybe, this is the same function and you are stuck in a time vortex. Better act like you belong before the Time Wraiths find out what's happened and send the Langoliers after you. Just smile and nod. You can try and find a rip in the space/time continuum when you get home.
Wait, here comes someone. Play it cool and act natural. ACT NATURAL!
Here Come The Questions...Just Plead The 5th
1) What is your name?Are your eyes rolling? Mine are. It's hard to type this way.
2) What do you do to earn a living?
3) Where are you from?
4) With whom did you arrive (spouse, friend, alone)?
5) How are you connected with the group that is holding this function (friends, relatives, alone)?
6) How long have you been affiliated with the group?
Here's the thing, I realized that these questions are all about external qualities. Most of them are concerned with how you are connected with the network that the group has established. Sort of like, are you a "major player" or are you on "the fringe". So these questions aren't really about me, they are about everything around me and how I am connected to it. You know, what power do I sway with the group.
I recently participated in one of these meals and luckily I escaped. But during the meal, I began to wonder, why ask these same questions? Why not ask questions that are intended to find out the "real" me. What would these questions look like?
They're Gonna Hit You On Cross
The questions that I came up with initially were questions that concerned pop culture. I thought that maybe if I found out what you liked, then I would find out what you are like*. These questions are meaningless because no one else would have the same tastes as I do. So asking who would win in a fight, the Millennium Falcon or the Enterprise-D (Picard), may end in confused looks rather than a deep discussion on theoretical physics, crew make-up, and how Betazed telepathy would effect a Jedi's the use of The Force.
And may I guarantee that this question WILL be discussed in the comments section.
I thought of political questions, but those are too touchy. No one wants to start a flamewar during a nice dinner out. Talking sports is about as meaningful as talking about the weather. No real meat there. So where do we go from here?
So I realized that maybe I was asking too much. We all have decided to guard our inner thoughts from everyone else until we feel like that area of our brain is safe from ridicule. Until people have shared experiences, we can't allow our real feelings to run around. So we dip our toes into each other to test the waters. If it's warm/cool enough, we put a foot in. Then a leg. Pretty soon were splish-splashing around.
But I still hate those dinners.
Do I have to go?
Yes.
Fine, here's your stinking answers.
...McCarthy.
1) JamesThe only thing left now is to cut this section out, paste it on notecards, and pass them out.
2) Purchasing Coordinator for Harding University. I buy stuff when someone needs something.
3) Originally, I'm from Fort Worth, TX (White Settlement if you're from DFW). Right now I live in Searcy, AR
4) I came with the red-head over there. She's my wife Robyn.
5) Sure. There's probably someone around here I know. What about that guy over there. No the dude next to him. Yeah I know him.
6) Varies. Let's leave it at that.
But I think I'll print the Falcon vs. Enterprise question on the back. You know, just in case.
The Next Post Promises To Be Better,
James
*Gordon, R (2000). Idea stolen from movie: High Fidelity. Movie based on the Nick Hornby book: High Fidelity.
posted by James at 4:50 PM
3 Comments:
The Jedi wouldn't even be involved. Even if they were on the Falcon, they wouldn't have time. One photon torpedo. Poof. RIP Han, Chewie, Lando, and that flat-faced gibberish-talking guy from Return of the Jedi. The Falcon would be toast. Just if you look at the two ships technologically, the Enterprise-D is light years ahead. And size-wise, the Falcon could fit inside one of the Enterprise's many hangars. The Falcon fires lasers, man... LASERS!. They could fire all day and never leave a scratch on the Enterprise's shields.
I think a more interesting battle would come once the Enterprise sent an Away Team over to the Falcon to play around with them:
Worf vs. Chewie.
Hoorah! Let's get it on!
Oh, yeah... and I also hate those "mixer" events and formal dinners. That's totally not my scene. And I've discovered that in my business I have to do a LOT of them. I'm incapable of shmoozing, it's not one of my spiritual gifts.
You know you're right. I completely fogot about the size difference. And does the Falcon have shields?
Maybe a more fair fight would come from Deep Space 9's Defiant. In Defiant v. Falcon the size advantage would be gone, but I still don't think the Falcon has any sheilds. Winner: Defiant.
Away Team v. Falcon Crew, I say Falcon Crew. Because the Jedis have proven so adept at slaughtering robots, Data doesn't have a chance. And I just thnk a blaster is more destructive than a phaser. Star Fleet would rather stun than kill. The Falcon Crew would just start shooting.
What about a race? Who would win in a race?
Warp 1 is the speed of light. The Enterprise can go to Warp 9. Once again, Enterprise by a mile. But let it be said that I think the Star Wars films are far superior. It's just that the creators of Star Trek clearly put a lot more thought into the technology side of their storytelling.
Oh, and phasers have many settings. If they knew the enemy was that hostile, they would simply set phasers to "incinerate."
I am such a geek.
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